Reflection

I had a very challenging October. Thank God I overcame weeks of upper respiratory tract infection, including the lost of voice. Then came the written exam for the first 2 modules I took for the uni programme. In between we celebrated the arrival of my niece, Rebecca, and my twin girls' 6th birthday, plus my mom-in-law, YaYa and my birthday. So much for a month but I'm finally getting a little break.

This week had been a week of rest and reflection, and a rather emotional one.  I reviewed the events in the last 3 months, and I'm beginning to wonder if doing my part-time degree is worth the sacrifices made.  I found myself less meticulous at work (i.e. checking on my preceptee's learning and auditing the work of other junior staff), unable to complete my Bible Study homework on a few occasions, and spending less quality time with the munchkins.  Well, with regards to the latter, I kind of expected that when I embark on the part-time study programme though.  But what hits me most, was when my husband told me "I felt like a stranger in this house, because you seemed no longer interested in what I do and what's going on in my life."  I was guilty, I must admit.  And this was probably the first time I felt like a total failure in my time management.  All of a sudden, my inadequacies as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, preceptor, employee, employer, etc. overwhelmed me.  And I was even too ashamed to turn to God because I knew I failed as a child of God too.

God, as always, is a merciful and gracious Father.  The reflection came timely, when I was still able to 'redeem' myself.  I confess to Him and ask for His forgiveness.  I had a good chat with my husband and we are working things out.  We realigned our visions and plans for the coming year, where we had to prepare ourselves for many adjustments like the munchkins starting primary one education, his new job offer starting in December, YaYa's impending return to Philippines for good, and my outstanding 3 semesters of part-time studies.

At work, I had to prepare myself for the launch of electronic medication management, CAMIE going full gear with the non-pharmacological interventions coming on board this month, and dealing with a rather "challenging" preceptee currently.  My mind is all choke up with information now...  To add to that, the semester two of my uni programme starts next week.

Dear Lord, I am so in need of help.  Please guard my heart and mind, watch over my steps to ensure I stay close to You.  For You alone keeps me going, save me from distress and guide my every move.  I may want to excel in every aspect of my life, but I don't want to lose sight of the most important stuff - my Lord, my family, my calling.  God, help me!  I know you want to.  I just have to ask.  Thank You, Lord.